Crash and Burn | Endless Simmer

I was recently fortunate enough to land an invitation to one of the largest distributor wine-tasting events in Manhattan. These freebie drink fests allow wine and spirit makers the ability to peddle their wares in front of restaurateurs, buyers, and a few select people who manage to weasel their way in. That would be me. I guess on paper I’m a good fit: trained chef, food and travel writer, face-that-can’t lie taste tester. But I don’t spit.

This has nothing to do with that fact than when tasting a 144-page portfolio I don’t want to spit. I pay no attention to the polished spittoon or the carafes of water intended to rinse my glass. I’m holding on to every drop. So for this momentous occasion, I gave myself three parameters:

1. Red only (which I broke almost immediately).
2. Choose wines based solely on their label design.
3. Make sure to taste the expensive stuff, regardless of two previous rules.

So I could make some grandiose statements about the relative merits of all the different wines I tasted, but instead we’ll do this the ES way. I’ll just share my complete notes from the event.  They’re scattered at best—muddled descriptions easily influenced by knee-jerk reactions to those pouring and an over-consumption of pigs in a blanket and spinach dip. But I stand by them.

Backsberg, Pinotage, Paarl, South Africa 2008—$20

chocolate, tar, ass

Backsberg, Klein Babylons Blend, Paarl, South Africa 2005—$33

bigger chocolate, tar, ass

Neumeister, Sauvignon Blanc Moarfeitl Grosse Lage, Steiermark, Austria 2008—$64

Spiderman makes a fruit salad

Harlan Estate, Harlan, Napa Valley, California 2006—$900

whatevah

Four Graces,“Dundee Hills” Reserve Pinot Noir, Willamette Valley, Oregon, 2007—$36

sticky icky

Bond, Pluribus, Napa Valley, California 2006—$433

wow wine

Futo, Napa Valley, California 2006—$300

really? whatevah.(apparently this catch phrase caught on, as it appears on multiple pages throughout my tasting notes)

Futo,“OV”, Napa Valley, California 2007—$144

melt mouth ocean nose

Ridge Vineyards, Santa Cruz, California— Zinfandel Flight:

“East Bench” 2008—$43

jam

“Pagani Ranch” 2007—$50

Alicante Bouschet (how I overheard this or even spelled it correctly is beyond me—it’s a hybrid red varietal that was originally planted in California during Prohibition)

“Geyserville” 2009—$50

white pepper

“Lytton Springs” 2007—$50

thin

Milbrandt Vineyards,“Traditions” Merlot, Columbia Valley, Washington 2007—$22

yum dusty cocoa!

Clear Creek Distillery, Mt. Hood, Oregon— Spirit Flight:

Cassis Liqueur—$34

OMG

Eau de Vie of Douglas Fir—$72

!

McCarthy’s Whiskey—$34

shower curtain

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Follow ES for the Best of Groupon (and some freebies!) | Endless Simmer

I’m sure lots of you ESers are already fans ofGroupon, considering it’s, um…the fastest growing company in the history of the whole world wide webs. If you’re not familiar, Groupon has local versions in a whole bunch of cities now, each one offering a single daily deal— usually in the neighborhood of half-price— at restaurants, cafes, bars, and more.

And starting today, your ES editors will be giving you an advance headsup every time Groupon has a great deal going on at a restaurant that we love. Start checking outour twitter feedfor the news now.

To get things started, we’re giving one lucky reader $20 worth of Groupon Bucks, which can be used on a Groupon of your choice in any city. To enter, juststart following ES on twitter. Already following us? Simplyretweet this post to enter.

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A San Francisco Sugar Crawl with Top Chef: Just Dessert’s Tim Nugent | Endless Simmer

SF pastry chef Tim Nugent may have been asked topack his knivesstack his measuring cups andleave Top Chef: Just Desserts last week, but it was just in time for him to take ES on a tour of all his favorite local desserts. From the classics to the craziest, here are Tim Nugent’s favorite San Francisco treats.

TCHO Pot de Creme atAbsinthe

“This is done the right way, the French way,” says Tim— just eggs, sugar, and super-rich chocolate from SF-basedTCHO.“I get all that other stuff out of the way and just go right to the chocolate.”(Photo: Alex)

Crazy donuts, crazier ice cream and the one dish that strikes fear in the heart of all Top Chef-testants. Keep reading for more of Tim’s favs…

Buttermilk Bay Laurel Leaf Panna Cotta atDelfina

Ah, the panna cotta. Countless Top Chef-testants have thought they would wow the judges with one of these babies, but then bit the dush when it didn’t set properly or otherwise failed. To see how it’s supposed to be done, check out Delfina, where the always perfect panna cotta is paired with seasonal fruits like tangerines or elephant heart plums.(Photo:SanFran Annie)

Caneles atLa Boulange

“These are really, really hard to do correctly,” says Tim,“and La Boulange does them exquisitely.” Your humble ES tasting team visited three separate branches of this burgeoning SF mini-chain before locating one of these honey-and-egg based pastries. On the third try, we finally found one last canele that wasn’t spoken for and gobbled it up in about 12 seconds.(Photo: Alex)

Maple Glazed Bacon-Apple Donut atDynamo Donut and Coffee

Another popular SF dessert that sells out nearly every day.“The chef here is my best friend, so I helped her taste these for weeks before she opened,” says Tim. He’s still not sick of them, and clearly, neither are we. (Photo:xmatt)

Insane Ice Cream atHumphry Slocombe

“It’s impossible to pick a favorite flavor here,” says Tim. And with flavors like Thai chili lime, secret breakfast (bourbon and corn flakes) and Jesus juice (red wine and cola), it’s also pretty impossible to stop asking for samples.(Photo:{Guerrila Future | Jason Tester)

Chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate! atScala’s Bistro

Finally, no San Francisco dessert crawl would be complete without a stop at Tim’s own kitchen inScala’s Bistro, where he whips up such divine creations as Chocolate! Chocolate Chocolate!— milk chocolate mousse on a chocolate pecan crust, topped with chocolate gelato and chocolate sauce. Let’s see Johnny Iuzzini hate on that!

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Celebrity Chef Apps | Endless Simmer

If Jersey Shore’s“The Situation” can have an iPhone app, then so can the celebrity chefs of the world. In fact,“The Situation” is pretty late to the iPhone app party. There are hundreds if not thousands of food and recipe relatedappsout there, almost making cook books a thing of the past. But don’t throw out those cook books just yet, we take a look at some of the features our beloved celebrity chefs have in their apps.

Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything– $4.99

With over 2,000 recipes this is certainly one of the more comprehensive collections from any of the apps.“Bittman’s Picks” provides some of his more notable dishes with must try recipes. The recipes contain built in cook timers: hit the link and a nifty countdown will appear, perfect for those of us who can’t cook an egg. Another great feature is his suggestions for alternative dishes, search for Chicken Pot Pie and there is also a recipe for a mashed potato crust. However, for such a streamlined app the one thing it is sorely missing are pictures, perhaps on the next update. Thanks Mark.

Tyler Florence Fast– $4.99

If like me, when cooking, you tend to curse out the author of the cook book, then this is the app for you. Tyler has included an“Ask the Chef” feature. Just click on the button and you’ll be directed to your email– to chat with Tyler himself. But do we really think he reads those things. The app updates seasonally, adding to the 500 plus signature recipes already featured. Another interesting feature is linking the kitchen timer to your iTunes. Listen to your favorite Lady Gaga as you wait for that prime rib to cook.

Jamie Oliver’s 20 Minute Meals– $7.99

Don’t let the price of this app fool you, its packed full step by step instructions with photos and videos, from recipes, techniques and buying guides. The app doesn’t have a great deal of recipes, a few over 60 was the last count but the technique guides are an a tool. Watch Jamie as he prepares an avocado or prep a vanilla pod– you’ll be swooning at his accent in no time.

Mario Batali Cooks!– $4.99

Thankfully the Mario Batali home screen doesn’t last for more than a few seconds, which is about the amount of time I can look at him. Soon an old school iPod-esque wheel appears with a myriad of options. Searching for recipes can be carried out by region, course, season and even“things that kids love”.

The regional search is an excellent way to learn of the Italian way of cooking– all 62 of them. Mario’s videos are in similar vain to that of Jamie Oliver’s, perhaps a little stuffier but nonetheless educational.

Marth Stewart’s Everyday Food– $0.99

Perhaps the most basic of the apps, simple dishes with elegant photos in true Martha fashion. Of the more notable features users are able to sync with yourZipListgrocery account, should you have one, with a grocery aisle organizer too. Another feature to this app is Martha recommending what to eat for dinner, daily, hence the Baked Eggs you see above.

Rachael Ray’s Tasty Bites– $1.99

Lets pause for a moment and just absorb the beauty of Rachael. Ok, enough of that. Not only does Rachael have such search categories as“Yum-O! Family-Friendly” (barf) but she also provides drink recommendations with each dish, now that’s a feature I can get used to. Did you know a good BLT Creamy Mac n Cheese goes well with a Negroni, well now you do… Oh, and she also has a whole section dedicated to mac n cheese. Thank you Rachael, thank you.

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Better Than a Tiara of Ginger | Endless Simmer

At this point, a purple pepper and ayellow watermelonbarely excite me. I get it. Change the color of a food and it’s like new again.

But what about actual new. Last yearfresh ginger, with hot pink streaksand the stalks strung together to look like a tiara, totally pleased me. But like a drug addict, I needed more.

And then, there it was. Edamame. It wasn’t all that cute on the stem, brown and hairy. But it was more interesting than dipped in soy, as I boiled it and led it star in asuccotash.

I crowned edamame as my favorite summer farmers’ market find.What was your warm weather food discovery before the autumnal equinox takes over later tonight?

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Gridiron Grub: Peach Bourbon Wonton with Gorgonzola Mornay Sauce | Endless Simmer

If you saw the first post in ourGridiron Grub series, you know that I am a fan of the Philadelphia Eagles. If the fact that I am writing about football food once a week doesn’t turn you off, the fact that I am an Eagles fan might.

Philadelphia sports fans get a pretty bad rap and only some of it is deserved. We’ve been accused of throwingsnowballsat Santa, cheering when opposing players get hurt, throwing batteries on the field and even earlier this year, there was coverage of thisdisgusting incident. Particularly well known is Section 700 of the old Veteran’s Stadium. It was home to a group of especially rowdy and inebriated fans.

I have had a difficult time getting excited about this year’s team considering we traded one of the mostrespectable guyin the league and are now starting a convicted felon and subpar quarterback. Because of this, I have been reminiscing about some of the great times I have had with friends at games through the years.

This week’s recipe I put together as a testament to the 700 Section and all the other fans out there like me.Fieryand sweet; fun and a little boozy.

Boozy Bird Wonton: Peach Bourbon Wonton with Gorgonzola Mornay Sauce

Filling:
The filling takes a little prep but only has a handful of ingredients. The play of luscious fleshy peaches, crisp chestnuts, spicy habaneros, the warm tang of bourbon and moist chicken is a winner on a crisp fall day.

1 lb Shreddedchicken, 1diced peach, 5 or 6  dicedwater chestnutsand 1 cup of thePeach and Bourbonsaucebelow.

Peach and Bourbon Sauce: 1 cpeach preserves(our local farmer’s market is closing in a few weeks but still has plenty of their homemade preserves and jams as well as the fresh peaches used in the filling),  ¼ cWild Turkey,  1/2 cbutter, 2tbsp brown sugar, 3 mincedhabaneros.

In a saucepan first melt the butter then add preserves, sugar and peppers. Stir occasionally until preserves start to melt and then add bourbon before setting to simmer for a few minutes.

After you have mixed the filling together and let it cool slightly, spoon 1 teaspoon of it into the center of eachwonton. Moisten edges with water. Bring opposite points together; pinch to seal.

Place each wonton onto greased baking sheets and brush over them with a 50/50 mix ofmelted butterandolive oilbefore baking in a 375 degree oven for 8-10 minutes or until golden brown.

Gorgonzola Mornay Sauce:Mornay Sauceis a bechamel withcheeseadded. Typically it is a firm or semi firm cheese but I love the tang blue cheese adds. My basic bechamel recipe is still from my first cookbook,The Joy of Cooking.

Take 1¼ c ofmilkand set to simmering in a sauce pan. Take abay leafand with 2cloves,pin it to1/4 onion.Let this all mix for about 10 minutes.

In another pan add 3 tbspbutter.Put in 2-3 tbsp offlourand stir together for your roux, keep it on medium low. Now mix together the infused milk with the roux and add about a cup of gorgonzolaor however much to reach the consistency you want.Using the blue cheese doesn’t result in the traditional ultra smooth and creamy sauce but it is a favorite of mine to pour on almost anything.

Try the wonton with a dusting of ancho salt (50/50 mix of ancho powder and sea salt) and the Gorgonzola Mornay on the side and a tall frosted glass ofVictory Hop Wallopor your drink of choice. Enjoy the games and Go Iggles!

Previously in Gridiron Grub:
Jalepeno Poppers: Roasted Tomatoes and Chevre Chiles

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Top Chef Just Desserts Exit Interview: Episode 2 | Endless Simmer

What, you thought we’d let you get away without Top Chef: Just Desserts interviews? Don’t be silly. If you’ve not watched Just Desserts, stop what you are doing and set your DVR— this show is how we all remember Top Chef— a sprinkle of awesomeness and a dash of crazy. I like to think of it asReal Housewives of Top Chef.

So, without further ado, I bring you last night’s loser:

Tell us what it’s like being on Top Chef: Just Desserts.
Tim Nugent:The whole thing is such an amazing ordeal. Just to be on the show, there is a lot of work to get on there. Then in the kitchen, to see all the equipment— with the economy today we don’t have a lot of this stuff in our own kitchen— no one is going to buy you these ice cream machines. It was kind of like being a little spoiled, you had to get used to it.

Can you explain your elimination dessert, the pudding?
I stuck to the challenge, this is what the cocktail was. I was also the last one behind the bar and there were very slim pickings. It was either change your mind or go with what you could find, so I kinda went with what I could find. The thing is, if it was served to you at a table it’s an entirely different beast, because you have 30 of them and it melts. When the judges saw it, it was a soup-y mess.

What was it like cooking for the likes of Johnny Iuzzini?
I particularly— he’s not really all that to me. I didn’t know of him that well. I think there could have been a more prestigious pastry chef/judge to represent our profession and represent the show better.

Lets talk about Seth.
What a big baby. Just grow up, everybody has got something wrong with some family member. He was there for the money; he was broke. It was a little odd to be kicked out over a crazy person, but that’s life. It wasn’t really uncomfortable, it was just annoying. People were just wondering what to do with him and figuring out how to calm him down.

How about the other contestants, who did you connect with?
Even this morning, everybody have contacted me. Malika and I have been really good friends, Tanya as well. Obviously Zac and Yigit live in the city so we get to chat a lot. They were surprised I was gone.

What now?
I’ve been in the city {San Francisco} for so long and the Drake (hotel) has been awesome, I’ve been with them for many years.Jen Biestyis executive chef so we’re already a Top Chef hotel (laughs). We have a great restaurant,Scala’s, which is insanely busy. Of course this isn’t going to change my life, I had a job then and I have a job now.

(Photos: Bravo)

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Restaurant Review - Sauce San Francisco | Endless Simmer

Earlier this year, the San Francisco Board of Supervisorspassed a resolutionofficially encouraging local restaurants to adopt the mantra of“Meatless Mondays,” the one-day-a-week-without-meat initiative pushed by such visionaries asYoko Ono,Kim O’Donnelandgansie. But contrary to what you might think, not all SF chefs are hippie-dippie enviro crusaders who immediately rallied to the cause.

Ben Paula, the executive chef at Hayes Valley neighborhood spotSauceand a proponent ofputting bacon on everythingwas one who did respond quickly— by adding a Monday night prime rib special to his menu. After dining at Sauce, I can see why. We here at ES support eating local, lowering your meat intake and all the rest of it, but this is one restaurant where I might cry if I returned and they had dropped the pork.

We started with the app you see above, which Chef Ben humbly calls tater tots, but that’s a bit of an undersell. Creamy mashed potatoes are mixed with white truffle oil and cremini mushrooms, then breaded and fried crispy. A tasty snack even for a vegetarian, actually, but I dare anyone not to dip them in the smoked gouda and bacon fondue provided. Personally, I wanted to take a bath in it.

Next up was the mac and cheese, made with a super rich four-cheese sauce and a crispy Gruyere crust. Again, this would be a pretty solid dish for vegetarians, but it’s the juicy bits of ham hock hidden throughout that really take it to the next level.

Fine— here’s one for the veggies— crispy, battered portobello mushroom fries. But just in case you thought we were getting healthy, they’re served with a thick-thick“fat boy” ranch dipping sauce. This was actually the second time in an SF week that I ate portobello fries, previously tasting them atUrban Tavern. Trend alert?

While the theme at Sauce is shared plates, there are also a few entrees, like the juicy fried chicken, which is actually steamed and then just flash-fried for a minute or two so that it gets all the crisp without any of the grease, then topped in gravy and truffled mushrooms.

But here’s what I really love about this city— even the most meat-loving chefs can’t craft a September menu without including some of those beautiful local heirloom tomatoes, served here with roasted corn cut fresh off the cob. It doesn’t even need bacon.

Actually, despite their strong dismissal of the Meatless Mondays mandate, this is one restaurant that approaches meat the way I think it should be treated— as exciting bites to be discovered throughout the dish— a morsel in the mac and cheese, the intense bacon-y flavor of the fondue— rather than just a hunking slab of meat that takes up the whole plate. Of course, you can also go on Monday and try the prime rib— it’s served on a sandwich and topped with that bacon-cheese fondue. Amazing.

Sauce:
131 Gough Street
415.252.1369
www.saucesf.com

(Photos: Sauce)

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Top 10 New Foods at the 2010 State Fairs | Endless Simmer

With all due respect to George Washington Carver, America’s greatest food inventions have all originated in one place— the state fair. From cotton candy to corn dogs to deep-fried Coke, the enterprising folks at America’s state and county fairs top themselves year after year. Some observers thought state fair cooks had hit their peak last year, when the Texas State Fair debutedDeep Fried Butter. But in 2010, they outdid themselves once again, proving that if it’s edible, it’s even better battered and fried. From coast to coast (but mostly in the middle) here are out top ten favorite finds:

10. Hash Brown Hot Dog – San Diego County Fair

Hot dogs with french fries is a pretty fantastic lunch, but boy it takes a lot of effort to transport all those individual fries from the plate to your mouth. If only we could get the hot dog and the potato to be one cohesive unit, preferably arranged on a stick. Thank you, San Diego. Thank you.(Photo:It’s Holly)

9. Deep-Fried Cheddar-Bacon Mashed Potatoes…On a Stick – Minnesota State Fair

Sorry, San Diego— did you really think you could best the Midwest at spuds-on-a-stick? Here, Minnesota achieves the state fair trifecta— potatoes, pork and cheese— all deep fried, all on a stick.For more of Minnestoa’s many, many state fair foods, check outBaking Junkie’s heart-stopping food crawl through the MN State Fair.(Photo:Baking Junkie)

8. Garbage Burger– Indiana State Fair

It’s the great state fair dilemma. Should pork be the basis of your dish— or a topping? In Indiana, this is not a problem. Behold the garbage burger— a deep-fried pork patty topped with a healthy serving of pulled pork. Why settle for one pig when you can have two?See more atThe Hot Cookie.(Photo: Sarah Richcreek)

7.  Deep-Fried Frito Pie– Texas State Fair

No other state takes this season as seriously as Texas, the good people who started the deep-fried everything movementwith their corn dog in 1942and haven’t looked back since. Earlier this week, ES told you aboutfrito pies— those delicious piles of chili-topped corn chips. One guess what Texas has gone and done to‘em.(Photo:Texas Fried Frito Pie)

6. Deep Fried Klondike Bar– San Diego State Fair

California continues its surprisingly strong showing by having the cojones to throw a chocolate-covered ice cream bar in the deep fryer. This one’s more concept than execution, because not so surprisingly, it’s a total disaster to eat.My Burning Kitchenhas more.(Photo:My Burning Kitchen)

5.  Chocolate Tornado Potato– Minnesota State Fair

Minnesota strikes again on the potato front. Fair-goers thought they’d never see an improvement onlast year’s Tornado Potato— a whole potato, spiral-cut, placed on a stick and deep fried. But this year they’ve dipped the whole thing in chocolate. Amazing.The Heavy Tablehas even more on Minnesota-fried goodness.(Photo:Kate NG Sommers / Heavy Table)

4. Deep-Fried Cheesesteak on a Stick– Wisconsin State Fair

Sorry, Pennsylvania. Your iconic sandwich is great and all, but it took a state like Wisconsin to bring it to a whole‘nother level. By now you should know that level is what happens when you place something on a stick, batter it and fry it.(Photo: Cousins)

3. Sweet Potato Dog– San Diego County Fair

Because there’s got to be at least one foodie at the fair who says,“don’t you have another option besides just plain potatoes?” Why yes, we also batter that bad boy with sweet potatoes, thank you very much. This one doesn’t look like it holds up in the oil quite as well as the hash brown dog, but they get points for trying.(Photo:It’s Holly)

2. Corn Dog Pizza– Minnesota State Fair

I don’t believe anything needs to be said about this item.(Photo:Northfielder)

1. Fried Beer– Texas State Fair

Yes, it’s true. America has finally taken our two greatest loves and made them one. A ravioli-like pocket of pretzel-y dough is filled with good old fashioned beer. We don’t know how it works, or whether it kills you immediately or just in the long term, but boy are we glad it exists. Try it this week at the official close of the fair season–the State Fair of Texas in Dallas.(Photo:Fried Beer)

Previously on ES:
Grease, Goats and Girth: The 2010 Iowa State Fair
Top 10 Food Finds at the 2009 Iowa State Fair
The 2009 Minnesota State Fair
Chicken-Fried Bacon

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Introducing the Pie Shake…Yes, That’s Pie. Shake. | Endless Simmer

Walking through the NoPa neighborhood of San Francisco recently, the veggie gf and I stumbled upon a restaurant with a name so simple and enticing we couldn’t resist:chile pies (& ice cream). Yep, that’s the name of the restaurant. And they have just three basic menu items:

- Classic New Mexico-style frito pie (for the uninformed, that’schili poured over a bed of fritos).

- Fresh slices of sweet&savory pie with outrageous varieties such as green chile apple pie with walnuts and a cheddar crust.

- Ice cream and frozen yogurt in creative flavors like bittersweet chocolate and horchata.

Obviously, this was already approaching a pretty perfect restaurant as far as I’m concerned. But then I scanned to the bottom of the menu and saw one more item that just about knocked me over…

Pie Shakes.“Just choose your slice of pie and flavor of ice cream.”Ummmm…say what?

BS: What’s a pie shake?

Server: We take a slice of pie and a scoop of ice cream and make it into a milkshake.

BS: Wait, like, you really chop up the pie and put it in a milkshake?

Server: Yes.

BS: Really?!?

Server: Yes.

BS: Did you guys make this up or is it a thing?

Server: No, I’m pretty sure we made it up.

BS: So is it smooth like a milkshake or chunky with pieces of pie?

Server: It really depends on who is making it.

Stunned, I was unsure whether to be more wowed or disgusted. For the moment, the green chili pie looked too enticing that we just had to try it as is, sans shake. But I knew immediately that I would have to return before we left SF and try the pie shake.

When we made our way back to chili pies (& ice cream) a few weeks later, I knew what I had to do. I asked the server on hand which of their fresh pies would make the best shake, and we settled on a lemon-buttermilk pie mixed with vanilla-cookie ice cream.

A good ten minutes of mixing later and she returned with the work of beauty you see above. I was concerned about what type of texture the pie shake would entail— would it just be a grainy milkshake with no attractive vestiges of pie? Or more like a runny scoop of ice cream with a soggy slice of pie on the bottom?

But it was exactly what was promised— the perfect fusion of god’s two great dessert creations, every bite/sip tasting a little bit like pie, a little bit like ice cream. Most of the shake was drinkable through a straw (with a little neck effort), while some large pieces of crust remained whole and crispy.

I think the USDA recommended allowance of pie shakes is once in a lifetime, but still— why not?

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Talk Like a Pirate Day | Endless Simmer

I’ve definitelyranted about all of those“Day of Days,”as I so eloquently called the phenomenon. A day for soft serve ice cream, a day for mustard, a day for bulk foods…

Anyway, I think I may have found the best“day of” yet:Talk Like a Pirate Day. Which of course, is today, September 19th.

I don’t know what may pop into your head when you hear“pirate”– is it Peter Pan, Pittsburgh baseball, puffed rice? Well for me, it’s a quote from the best movie of all time: PCU.

Rand: I scheme and plan for MONTHS and it gets screwed up because YOU can’t control the students! NEVER send a woman to do a man’s job!

President Garcia-Thompson: You cocky, pointy-nosed little Reaganite! If you hadn’t provoked them, we wouldn’t BE in this mess!

Rand: Whoa! Reality check here! Earth to TALL BITCH! What is your fault? THIS IS!

{turns on Droz}

Rand: Hey, poor boy! Go and have all your parties with all your new friends! I can see it now, Andrews. You and all the knee-jerk, bleeding-heart liberals, sipping tea and playing patty-cake. And those useless hippie pot-heads, those commie-pinko leftists. The bunny huggers, the pillow biters…

Droz: Whoa! Whoa! Which ones are the pillow biters again?

Rand: The BUTT-PIRATES! And those beastly man-haters, tell those chicks to shave their pits then call me! And those goddamn whiny crybaby minorities, you can keep them all!

{Rand realizes that Droz had a microphone close by and that the sign lady has been signing everything he said}

Droz: {to the students} Rand McPherson, everybody. And don’t forget the 9:30 show is completely different than the 7:30 show. Enjoy the veal!

{the students then go after Rand}

Rand: I scheme and plan for MONTHS and it gets screwed up because YOU can’t control the students! NEVER send a woman to do a man’s job!

President Garcia-Thompson: You cocky, pointy-nosed little Reaganite! If you hadn’t provoked them, we wouldn’t BE in this mess!

Rand: Whoa! Reality check here! Earth to TALL BITCH! What is your fault? THIS IS!

{turns on Droz}

Rand: Hey, poor boy! Go and have all your parties with all your new friends! I can see it now, Andrews. You and all the knee-jerk, bleeding-heart liberals, sipping tea and playing patty-cake. And those useless hippie pot-heads, those commie-pinko leftists. The bunny huggers, the pillow biters…

Droz: Whoa! Whoa! Which ones are the pillow biters again?

Rand: The BUTT-PIRATES! And those beastly man-haters, tell those chicks to shave their pits then call me! And those goddamn whiny crybaby minorities, you can keep them all!

{Rand realizes that Droz had a microphone close by and that the sign lady has been signing everything he said}

Droz: {to the students} Rand McPherson, everybody. And don’t forget the 9:30 show is completely different than the 7:30 show. Enjoy the veal!

{the students then go after Rand}

To celebrate this pirate madness,Pirate’s Bootyis giving away a chest of goodies to one of our readers.

We’ll pick a commenter by random, but just leave a comment in this post about anything, hopefully about pirates, but Eagles football will work too. Oh, or about food.

Here are some pirate-speak definitions to inspire your comments.

Comments are due midnight EST, Monday, September 20th.

Scallywag– Mild insult similar to rapscallion or rouge.

Scurvy Dog– The pirate talking directly to you with mild insult.

Shiver me timbers!– Comparable to “Holy crap!”

Son of a biscuit eater– Insult directed towards someone you don’t like.

Three sheets to the wind– Someone who is very drunk.

And of course

Pirate’s Booty!– Pirate’s treasure and also a favorite snack that’s’ good anytime!  Pirate’s Booty is a deliciously baked rice and corn puff that’s baked, all-natural trans-fat and gluten-free.

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Getting Friendly With My Neighborhood Pawpaw | Endless Simmer

On a recent trip to the farm I discovered the unusual fruit known aspawpaw.This is something I’ve never seen or heard of before so naturally, I had to investigate. I found the owner of thefarmand he  told me a little bit about this fruit. The pawpaw is the largest fruit native to America and can be found in the south and eastern parts of the country. I’d describe it as a very bruised avocado-like fruit, with the texture of a thick custard and a flavor profile of a cross between a very sweet banana and mango.

The pawpaw you see above is of the Shenandoah variety, and once picked they ripen pretty quickly, to the point of you having to use them within 24-48hrs. Once I got these home I threw them in the freezer, not knowing what to do with them. Google didn’t really come up with too many ideas, so I figured since they are similar to bananas I’d find a recipe that I could adapt. And in true Britannia fashion, I introduced the fruit to my very good friend, alcohol.

The farmer suggested making a pawpaw ice cream; not having an ice cream machine I opted for something a little simpler, inspired by thisNew York Times articleI read last week.

Pawpaw Russian Shake

2 Cups of very cheap, plain vanilla ice cream— the idea here is that the ice cream will not be too flavorful so the pawpaw dominates.
1 Pawpaw
1 Cup of Vodka

Remove theice creamfrom the freezer 30 minutes before use. Cut thepawpawin half, scoop out the fruit, discarding the seeds and skin— there are about 10 seeds per fruit. Blend the ice cream to a creamy consistency, add the pawpaw and blend further until mixed, add thevodkaand blend for an additional 30 seconds. Serve in a chilled glass.

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Top Chef Exit Interview: And The Winner Is…| Endless Simmer

We say farewell to yet another season of Top Chef, and can I for one moment say I’m thankful for that— perhaps not the mostexhilarating seasonin its history. Sadly, the most thrilling part of the final episode was not who won but who returned, oh Michael of the Voltaggio brothers. Small mercies!

For their final challenge, Angelo, Ed and Kevin were tasked with making the best four-course meal of their life— what else were they going to make,pea puree?

Continue reading to see who won and what he has to say about his time on Top Chef.

Ordinarily desserts are a contestant’s downfall, but your Singapore Sling was what people are going to remember. How did you make that?
Kevin: Absolutely. First of all I grew up in the bakery business and my wife’s a pastry chef; I’m not scared of desserts at all. This dessert was inspired by a dessert my wife makes, taking her coconut and lemongrass soup and setting it with gelatin. Using her poached pineapple and adding other tropical fruits to that, then making theSingapore Sling— the granita. Experimenting at home I used a lot of canned fruit juices but in Singapore I used all fresh fruit.

The final challenge on previous seasons has generally just been cook the best meal that you can, but this year Tom and Eric went out and chose the proteins for you guys. What was the reaction when you found that out?
My personal opinion was I loved it, because now you’re comparing apples to apples, comparing a duck dish to a duck dish. I thought it was great.

How were you feeling while you were cooking? Could you tell you made the best dishes?
I was very, very confident during the finale— very confident. I put my dishes out, I felt like they looked better than everyone else’s and more importantly I know I executed better. It was just a matter of do the judges really enjoy it, are the getting where I’m going with this, because it was very different from anything I had done before.

In his blog onBravo, Tom Colicchio said yesterday that“now someone is sure to gripe that perhaps working with Voltaggio gave Kevin an advantage.” What would you say to people who subscribe to that theory?
I don’t care what they say, people are going to say whatever they want. The real advantage was having worked with Mike before. If I had worked with Mike or had I worked with Hung it would have been the same, I’ve worked with both of them. One is not any better, all three of them have won Top Chef and they’ve all won it in respectable seasons. People talk crap anyway, I don’t care.

Do you think Angelo’s freak flu affected his performance?
Yes, there is no denying that it definitely affected him. He was sick and wasn’t feeling well. But I don’t think Angelo came to Singapore hot. Ed was hot, Ed won the quickfire and the elimination. Angelo was out of the picture in my book.

What are white-trash tongues?
(Laughs) They’re large tongues that everyone cooks with— Mike Voltaggio came up with that— I didn’t even know what the hell it was. lot of chefs use medical instruments now in the kitchen, they’re very fine and good for detail, those are kind of new tongues and the others are white trash tongues. According to Mike.

You and your wife have just welcomed a baby boy, and his name is Angelo. I have to ask— that wasn’t a tribute to Sosa was it?
No, I did not name my son after a man on television I’ve known a couple of months. That was more my wife’s doing. we both liked the name Angelo, it has nothing to do with Sosa at all.

What’s next for you?
I want to open my own restaurant, most likely in Philadelphia, a very small restaurant but very high-end, 20-40 seats, a menu that changes often if not every day. Somewhere I can really have my hands in.

(Photos: Bravo)

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Culinary School Day One: Over Easy | Endless Simmer

Editor’s Note: As you may remember, ES contributor forkitude hasgiven up the corporate life to take the plunge into culinary school. Here are her thoughts from day one.

Day number one: Culinary Foundations.

• Knife skills: my fingers are valuable. It is a bloody lesson, but one I have learned. Got it. My knife skills are a work in progress.
• Mirepoix: 50% onion, 25% carrots, 25% celery. The basic building block of soups, stocks, and sauces. Simple enough.
• Eggs: better known as the devil. Eggs are easy to make and easy to screw up, and I havescrewed upmy share of eggs. Therefore, I get excited to learn the correct way to do things because screwing up is a pain in the ass. Eggs were my favorite part of the day:

We are told not to salt eggs in the beginning because it will suck the moisture from the egg and make it runny. Given that eggs are about 75% water, in one way, this makes sense. Think about when you eat too much salt— your cells shrink and you bloat up like the Michelin Man. But after much research on the subject, there are differing opinions (Julia Child adds salt to her omelet). Logically, this makes sense to me, and the number one rule of business in the kitchen is common sense. If an ESer has scientific proof why this isn’t the case, please indulge me. But for fuck’s sake, either way,please season your food.

We poach, we sunny-side-up, we over easy and Chef makes the rounds to check out all of the eggs the students are fucking up. We do an American omelet (i.e. the lazy way): pour beaten eggs into the sauté pan with the already sautéed mushrooms, cook, flip, fold in half, slide onto a plate. A French omelet (i.e. the beautiful way): tri-folded, lifted onto a plate, slightly split down the middle, and filled with yummy things like sautéed mushrooms, herbs, and cheese.

Then the moment I had been waiting for: hard and soft boiled eggs demonstration. Heat eggs and cold water just to a boil, remove from heat, and cover. 3-4 minutes for soft boil. 13-14 minutes for hard boil. Water is heated, the eggs are covered, and we wait. Chef gets to talking and my new mental egg timer goes off (newly installed since my deviled egg Friday Fuck Up)…4 minutes…5 minutes…6 minutes…? Chef finally runs them under cold water. No, the soft boiled eggs did not turn out soft boiled. Eggs are easy, but easy to screw up. Welcome to the kitchen.

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Put on Your Best Yogurt Face | Endless Simmer

Don’t forget— it’s time to submit your best yogurt-y recipe andwin 30 days of free yogurt from ES and Voskos. All you have to do is send us a yogurt-ful recipe (or link to a yogurt-y blog post).

Full details here.

(Photo:statelyenglishmanor)

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Gail Simmons Talks Just Desserts | Endless Simmer

As we bid farewell to  season 7 of Top Chef this week, we welcome the latest franchise in the TC series, Top Chef: Just Desserts. We got to chat with host and judge Gail Simmons on what to expect from the show.

How did Top Chef prepare you for hosting your own show, Top Chef: Just Desserts?
I have to say my job as host is completely different on Just Desserts especially because— and I’m the first to admit it— my role on TC until now has been pretty easy. I’m not saying it hasn’t been exciting and challenging and interesting. But my job really until now has just been to sort of show up, eat, talk about it and leave.  On Just Desserts, the hours are double the time, so now I’m in every single day shooting. And then also, being the host really forces you to make a different role because you are the person who needs to deliver the business, you’re the one who makes the plot go forward.

Can you tell us about the new judges?
Hubert Keller— is it not enough that he’s a total dreamboat? Not only did he start in the pastry kitchen but he actually grew up in a bakery. His family is from Alsace and his father was a baker, so he grew up above a bakery and watching bakers his whole life. It’s sort of bred in him, in his blood.Johnny Iuzziniis head judge, and I think without a doubt one of the greatest most talented young pastry chefs in this country right now. Johnny is a sort of wonder kid, he really is so talented and has such an amazing understanding of the processes of pastry, sugar, chocolate and butter. And he happens to be super attractive and stylish. And then there isDannielle Kyrillos, who brings a totally fresh perspective through being the editor-at-large for DailyCandy. Dannille brings a brightness, a knowledge as a real diner, as a real person who’s passionate about pastry, who loves it.

We know from TC that the chefs are reluctant to do desserts in fear of going home— is there an equivalent on Just Desserts?
I think the equivalent is when we ask them to make savory food actually, ironically. We know that savory chefs and pastry chefs are two totally different people with two different skills. In general pastry chefs can cook savory foods better than savory chefs can cook pastry because in order to be a pastry chef, you still need to have basic fundamentals of cooking and that doesn’t apply the other way around. In the few moments when they do have to use savory ingredients, I think it really is a challenge for them because it’s just not what they do every day. It takes them out of their comfort zone.

What are the biggest misconceptions about pastry chefs?
In the food industry at least, I think there is this underlying thought that pastry chefs are holed up in a dungeon somewhere and all a bit crazy, and I think that is a misconception. That said, they certainly are volatile creatures and artists at the truest form. They have their moments. At the same time what amazed me the most about doing the show and spending so much time with a group of pastry chefs was how sensitive and truly creative they are in a way that regular chefs I just don’t think are.

How do you deal with eating so much sugar?
I never get sick of it, amazingly. I thought I would, that was certainly a concern. With Just Desserts I was never eating a meal, I was always just eating sugar day after day so I would try and control my intake of what I wanted to eat because I knew I’d be eating so much. I would finish a day of shooting and realize I just went though a whole day without anything nutritious at all in my body, and then I would be craving a cheeseburger and fries, which are not a good combination after eating 17 ice cream sundaes.

(Photo: Bravo)

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Jalapeno Poppers Recipe | Endless Simmer

I can explain the merits of a 3-4 versus a 4-3 defense. I know the 3^rdstring running back on your favorite team, what college he went to and can discuss why I think his downhill running style will compliment their style of offense. The first professional photograph I ever took was a 10 month old Borracho in aPhiladelphia Eaglessweatsuit! I love football and have watched countless hours of games and been to numerous stadiums.

Fans go to stadiums hours (and sometimes days) before games to tailgate. They set up in parking lots across the country with everything from disposable charcoal grills to elaborate set-ups of culinary ingenuity that fill the pre-game air with delicious scents. Once you’re inside astadium, there are always options; different towns have their own signature foods and some stadiums even go as far as:sushi, Rocky Mountain oysters , lobster rolls, ahi tuna sandwiches and even pork chops on a stick!

While the hospitality is great, I have seen too many burnt wings, lukewarm dips, stale chips and flat beer. This is the year that I say no more! I am on a quest to sack traditional edibles and up the quality of football food. Some will be familiar gridiron grub, some tributes to various cities and some will come from your suggestions.  Because sometimes you need to call an audibleto make something happen.

Roasted Tomato and Chevre Chiles

My favorite guilty pleasure of all time, jalapeno poppers, are rife with so much possibility. Fresh spicy vegetable, creamy cheese, crunchy breading…. Yet, most of the time poppers fail from crappy ingredients: bland peppers and processed cheese; they’re little more than pockets of unfulfilled potential and molten cheese.

In my version, the ingredient list is pretty long but the prep really isn’t too bad and can even be done the day before if you want.

Ingredients: 12jalapenos, 2 clovesroasted garlic, 1/2c Vidaliaonion, 4 oz your favoritegoat cheese, 1/2 csharp cheddar,zest of 1 lime,juice of 1/2 lime, 2roasted tomatoes( quarter tomatoes, drizzle with olive oil, salt and pepper then cook at 400 degrees for 20 minutes), tbspcilantro, 1/2 cpanko bread crumbs, little bit ofpaprikaand tsp ofcumin.

1. Halve the jalapenos and use gloves to remove all seeds and the white membrane either by hand or with a melon baller.It may seem like this precaution isn’t necessary, but I know from experience that hurrying this part of prep can lead to some extreme pain. If you want to mellow the heat of the chiles you can either roast them or bring a pot of water to boil and blanch them once or twice.

2. Finely dice the onion and mash the garlic with the flat blade of your knife and then toss them both in a medium low heat pan to sweat.

3.While this is going on, start the rest of the filling by mashing the chevre, cheddar, roasted tomatoes, lime zest, cumin, half the breadcrumbs and the onion garlic mixture.

4. Stuff the jalapeno halves with the cheese mixture and spread them out on a baking sheet before sprinkling the rest of the breadcrumbs over it all.

5. Bake for 20 minutes at 250.

6. Before serving make sure you have a nice ale or lager. I’ll recommendRogue Brewery’s Double Dead Man Alethis time around.

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Win 30 Days of Free Yogurt from ES and Voskos | Endless Simmer

If you’ve been following ES for a bit, you know that one of our favorite dish-saving ingredients is a nice, fancy Greek yogurt. The folks over atVoskoscaught on, and have challenged ESers to kick it up a notch.

Here’s the deal: send us your best recipe that includes yogurt— it can be a yogurt-centric dish or just a meal that was made complete by yogurt on the top. You can write your recipe in the comments, paste a link to a blog post, or email the recipe to info (at) endlesssimmer (dot) com, with“yogurt contest” as the subject line.

An esteemed panel of judges will pick the winning recipe, and one reader will receive 30 (!) free samples ofVoskos’ rich, creamy yogurts(in the form of 30 free product coupons mailed directly to you). Contest is open from today through Friday, September 17.

Need some inspiration?

Be Friends with Voskos on Facebook
Squash and Spinach with Curry-Ginger Yogurt Sauce
Lox and Swiss Chard Omelet with Ramp Yogurt Sauce
Blackberry, Peach and Banana Smoothie

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Friday Fuck Up: Taking the Red Eye | Endless Simmer

They look so delicious, right? But every chili pepper has a dark side. So far I have only written a few blogs for ES so I am filled with pride and a little shame that I can already add  this post to the long legacy ofFriday Fuck Ups.

After my initial post for ES, I have been enthused with trying out some new ideas and so I thought I would make a few dishes this weekend (which will be posted in the near future):  poblano and chorizo risotto, tilapia tacos, homemade tortillas and a fewsalsasyou’ve already heard about.  I picked up all my ingredients including jalapeno, poblano and chipotle peppers. I only needed a dozen jalapenos so I roasted them on the grill and decided that I should be fine just using my bare hands to scrape out the seeds….

Capsaicin is the active ingredient in peppers and I am typically extremely respectful of what it can do. But I was in a hurry with the prep work that day and thought I would be fine. You probably can guess what happened next, but whatever you’re thinking, it was much worse. In the next five minutes, I must have touched my eye and also scratched my nose so what began was a quick journey through at least 4 circles of hell.

Eyes began watering, nose was running, slowly my fingers began feeling like they were on fire. I had made a rookie mistake and was now paying for it with a case of Hunan Hand. Things quickly got worse and I had the full complement of bloodshot eyes, an inflamed nasal passage that was excruciating to breath through and my fingerprints felt like they were peeling off.

With no idea about what to do about the eyes and nose, I knew that before anything I had to limit the burning on my hands. I began with simply washing my hands but quickly moved on to lemon juice and salt as one of the few supposed remedies I had heard of, but neither did very much. It continued to escalate and soon  I couldn’t distinguish what was the oil and what was me crying like a 5 yr old who found out there was no Santa Claus.

I politely asked (or pathetically whimpered) wifey to look up some other possible remedies while I stuck my head under the faucet. We tried everything we found on the interweb: baking soda and water, cocoa butter, milk, yogurt  etc… and they were all about as effective as a water gun on a blazing inferno. All of this took about 30 minutes and I was feeling somewhat defeated. The other possible remedies I found were getting stranger and stranger and since I was not going to pee on my hands like one site recommended, Idecided the only possible option left was just to suffer in silence. I put my hands in a nice cold glass of milk, put a milk-soaked towel where I could and decided a bottle of wine from the Finger Lakes might be the best treatment available.

I am writing this blog hours later and while most of me is back in good form, my fingers still burn and have some small blisters, neighborhood cats are looking at me funny and a slight wine headache is setting in. Hopefully, you won’t make the same mistake I did because“Now you know and knowing is half the battle.”As for the meal, it ended up being delicious but I still haven’t decided if it was worth it.

So, ESers— feel free to feed us back with your own stories of chili peppers gone awry. But more importantly, what do you do to make this stop?!? And please, don’t tell me to pee on my hands.

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Top Chef Exit Interview: Penultimate Episode | Endless Simmer

Top Chef shook things up for this week’s episode, traveling to Singapore for the season’s penultimate episode. The contestants managed to overcome food labels written in Cantonese, cans that don’t work with can-openers and a confused waitstaff. In the end, they cooked what Tom Colicchio called the best food the judges have had all season. All the chefs got good compliments, but, in the end, someone had to go home…

…and that someone was Vail-based chef Kelly Liken. Here’s what she had to tell us:

ES: There’s only been one female winner on Top Chef. Why do you think that the final episode seems to come down to all male chefs recently?
Kelly Liken: Tiffany and I shared your hopes for us. We were rooting for each other, so that was tough when she was eliminated. Top Chef doesn’t have a great track record with female chefs making it to the end. I think it’s probably just a coincidence. You’re judged each day as an individual. They judge each plate individually, and on any given day it’s anybody’s game.

What was the highlight of the Singapore trip for you?
The highlight hands-down was the afternoon we spent with Seetoh {K.F. Seetoh is an expert on Singaporean street food} at the hawker stands. We got to taste so many different things and taste so many authentic Singaporean dishes with an absolute first-hand authority.

Were you upset that there was a team competition for the elimination challenge so late in the competition?
I was okay with it because we weren’t dependent on each other for the food. We just depended on each other to be a team, just as a restaurant would have to come together to put out food, working with the service staff and the workers. It was just the way we would do it at our restaurants at home. But we weren’t dependent on anyone else’s food in the judging process.

Ed seemed to be the only one who prepared to have a second dish. Was there animosity towards him? What was your reaction?
We were all pretty surprised when Ed blurted out that he planned all along to do a second dish. We were only allotted one hour– that’s like the time you get for a Quickfire but it was for the elimination challenge. It was a little frustrating but we all rolled with it and we all ended up making great dishes.

Did you feel uncomfortable doing Asian dishes in Singapore?
You have to do your research and be prepared– I really familiarized myself with Singaporean flavors. It really obviously isn’t my comfort zone, but I learned a lot and definitely have a new found love for those Asian flavors.

What was the best advice you got from the judges, and did you have any favorite judges?
All the feedback I got from the judges was really good. I don’t disagree with anything they said – the good side or the bad. All the feedback I got was really good for growing as a chef and to reevaluate myself and my dishes. But my favorite judge hands-down was Eric Ripert solely because he likes my food (laughing). He says lovely, lovely things aboutmy food. And in his video blog he says lovely things too.

There have been some themes in the press about this season’s chefs not having as strong personalities as some of the previous seasons. What’s your reaction to that view?
I’ve seen that and I don’t agree with it. I think we all had great personalities. I have two ways of answering: as this competition gets stiff, and producers and Bravo up ante on the talent on the show each season, you get less clowns, and less people just interested in having their face on TV.Plus you only see what happens in the 45 minutes of the show. Bravo is responsible for telling a story – each season is different and they do a great job of telling that story.

When you cut your finger did you feel like it was a contributing factor in not moving forward?
I cut it pretty bad, and it was definitely a bleeder. They had the medic in the kitchen, but I was basically one-handed in the kitchen. It could have been a factor; it made me nervous and threw me off my game. We only started with an hour, and maybe I didn’t think everything through as much as I should have.

When you were talking at the beginning of the show, you mentioned plans to be true to yourself and to trust your instincts. Do you think you were able to maintain that throughout the competition?
Generally I think I did stay true, but there were times when I slipped up for sure. There were times when I didn’t trust my instinct, and I let some of the comments from the judges get in my head, and I would try to be a little more aggressive and bold in my cooking than I am. When I did trust my gut and cook food I’m passionate about, I think I was very successful and the judges loved it. That’s 100percent the advice I would give to future contestants: don’t reinvent your wheel. Do what you do on the show; you were chosen because of what you do.

(Photos: Bravo)

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